It is the 14th of October 2019

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Retired Russian Colonel Warns Trump: "We're Seeding The US Shoreline With Nuclear Mole Missiles"

In an "Onion-sounding" article in Russian tabloid Komsomolskaya Pravda, titled "Trump-Pump-Pump And Our Big Bang", Russian military expert Viktor Baranetz, a retired colonel and former defense ministry spokesman asserted that Russia has asymmetrical responses to the increase in the U.S. military budget.

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Northwest Braces For "Polar Plunge" As Temps Expected To Fall 35 Degrees Below Average

As Al Gore's battle against the ever elusive ManBearPig rages on, forecasters with the national weather service are warning residents of the Northwestern United States to brace for severe record low temperatures of up to 35 degrees below average and extremely heavy snowfall. 

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